"We get a loving close-up of the fish in the aquarium eating pieces of Louis' brain. That's an image no romantic comedy is complete without, am I right?"

“So by now, we're watching a drunk Bill Cosby performing surgery on himself with a hunting knife. Hey, having fun yet, Cosby Show fans?”

"Writing this kind of dialogue and actually putting it on film should be an offense punishable by a good old-fashioned Korean caning."

"This movie grossed roughly $3 million in its theatrical run. Adjusted for inflation, that's at least 6 million in Gigli Dollars."

It's a lesson I've learned time and time again: People will slam movies purely because of who's in them. When forgettable films like Crossroads or Glitter or From Justin to Kelly make it onto the IMDb's list of the 100 worst films of all time, you know people are voting based on the magazine covers at the checkout stand. Same with the films nominated for the Razzie this year. If not for the presence of Sharon Stone, the Wayans brothers, Nicolas Cage, M. Night Shyamalan, and (to a much lesser extent) Uwe Boll, would anybody give two shits about any of these movies? Probably not.

"Every shot is tilted at a different angle. I'd call this 'jarring', but I'd worry about offending jars."

"You've heard of an idiot plot? This movie is an idiot plot fractal. No matter how far down into the details you wallow, you still find a whole new, glorious idiot plot."