"Luckily for him, Tolkien died before this movie was made. Had he seen it, I've little doubt he would have hunted down and personally killed everyone responsible for this monstrosity."

"Why exactly did this movie turn out so terrible? Well, aside from the poor source material they were working with, it's pretty clear what doomed the movie: they just didn't give a shit."

"The previous film ended with Bastian flying off into Fantasia to recreate the entire magical realm from a single grain of sparkly power, but now he's back at home, living with his single dad again, with no explanation of how or why he came back. Worse yet, he doesn't seem to have grown as a human being from the experience at all."

"Devoid of more source material to butcher, the filmmakers apparently decided to ignore what had come before and knock-off Power Rangers."

"What people who hate Western animation think the whole genre is like."

"They call me the seeker/I've been searching low and high/I won't find what I'm after/'till the day I die..."

"Uwe Boll breaks rules of drama so obvious that you never knew they existed until you see them not being followed."

"No matter how good of a job the director did, and no matter how hard the screenwriters worked, nobody else's talent is ever going to fix the middle-aged woman's disturbing sparkly wank-dream that is Twilight."

”Eight stories that are not so much bad as they are levels of Hell.”

Because who says only video games can get terrible adaptations?

“My prediction at the end of my Twilight recap was correct: This movie did indeed suck harder than its predecessor. In fact, it sucked so hard that it made me wonder why I ever liked the first one to begin with.”

“It takes a real artist to perform among puppets, and Bowie pulls it off masterfully. Now that I’m an adult, I can finally admire his performance. As a girl, I was too busy feeling disconcerted by the puppets and the bulge in Bowie’s tights. They sure didn’t call it a ‘crotchtrusion’ for nothing.”

“Can’t say I really blame Aunt Em for wanting to strap Dorothy up to the electroshock machine. WTF kind of stuff is she telling people? Can’t Dorothy just tell them about the cute stuff, like the Lollipop Guild or whatever? I think if she had focused more on the non-creepy aspects of Oz, Aunt Em would be praising her for her creativity and imagination, not sending her off to Dr. Shocker, erm, Worley.”