"I just wanna close my eyes / I just wanna fall asleep / So I'll miss it, baby / I wanna miss everything..."

If The Love Boat ran aground on Fantasy Island and a volcano blew up.

"The only 'disaster' in this movie is NASA's poor planning skills."

"What does it say about your movie when it could be improved by adding more Charo?"

"Remember, students, always put your exposition at the end! Just when the audience thinks they're gonna get action and suspense, do what they least expect—surprise 'em with backstory!"

"Before Iron Man can... do whatever he was about to do, a cow lands on him. Because, you know, there was that one scene in Twister where a cow was flying around and... um, yeah. At this point, they might as well be making references to the Hoover Administration, '23 skidoo', or Spike Jones and His City Slickers for all this movie's target audience would know."

"Not only did they take an idiotic R-rated B movie famous for its internet buzz-worthy title and make it safe for family viewing, but they also allowed one guy with a computer and a TV capture card to cause a minor sensation that swept across the globe, and ultimately inspired a bit on a late night talk show."

“Brittany Murphy plays a renowned seismologist here, and comes off about as credible as, well, Brittany Murphy playing a renowned seismologist. Get ready for a depressing set of screencaps in this recap, because Murphy looks (and sounds) terrible throughout. I can’t tell if her total lack of energy is due to her health issues, or her just plain hating the material.”