I should probably make it known up front that I’m writing this review for one reason, and one reason only: So I can brag that I got to shake hands with the guy who played the dad in Troll 2.
Okay, that’s not entirely what one would call “true”. I was actually too chicken to go up and introduce myself. But at one point, the guy was standing not more than two feet away from me, I swear!
The actor’s name is George Hardy, by the way. You had that name on the tip of your tongue, I’m sure. Actually, a lot more people are learning that name thanks to Best Worst Movie, a documentary that catches up with Hardy and the rest of the cast and crew of the 1990 straight-to-video horror film Troll 2, and tracks the movie’s internet-fueled rise from the bargain VHS bin to “so bad it’s good” underground cult sensation.
The title Best Worst Movie is a bit of a misnomer, of course. Troll 2 isn’t the worst movie ever made. Far from it. For a time, it inexplicably held the #1 position on the IMDb Bottom 100, even though I can effortlessly come up with 100 movies off the top of my head that are far worse, starting with Gigli.
No, in actuality, Troll 2 is the most unintentionally hilarious movie ever made. But I doubt that would fit on a marquee, so Best Worst Movie it is.
For those of you who haven’t seen Troll 2, first of all, why haven’t you seen Troll 2? You know it’s been out on DVD for a while now, right? Second of all, even if you’ve never seen the movie, you’ve surely heard of it by now. You probably already know it has nothing to do with the original Troll, and was titled Goblin until the distributors decided—long after filming had wrapped—to glom onto the middling success of a bland ‘80s fantasy movie.
And you probably already know it’s about a family who goes on vacation to a town cleverly named “Nilbog”, get it, and ends up being force-fed green cake frosting in an attempt to turn them into plants that goblins can then feast on. Or something like that.
The point is, it’s hilarious. The defining moment of the film is when a kid pees all over his family’s food to keep them from eating it. If you don’t laugh while watching Troll 2, you may not have a soul.
Best Worst Movie is directed by Michael Stephenson, who actually played the freckle-faced little boy who literally pisses all over hospitality. In the documentary, Stephenson (who’s only had sporadic roles in the years since) describes joining MySpace and quickly getting inundated with messages from Troll 2 fans. This eventually led to midnight screenings of Troll 2 in small theaters across the country, where the movie’s adoring fans got to meet and greet with the cast and crew, most notably George Hardy.
Hardy is the focus of the documentary, which is a wise choice. A small-town Alabama dentist who at the time had no other acting roles to his name, Hardy is a funny, likable guy, spoken of highly by his neighbors, patients, and even his ex-wife—but when the subject turns to his very brief acting career, the reactions are, shall we say, somewhat less enthusiastic.
We watch as Hardy attends midnight screenings of Troll 2 and is totally bowled over by his newfound status as a cult icon. As he and the cast tour the country, we also spend time with some of the film’s devotees, including fanatics who host regular Troll 2 parties, others who make homemade replicas of the goblin masks, and of course, the guy who gets the inevitable Troll 2 tattoo.
The movie then journeys to Italy, where we meet Claudio Fragasso and Rossella Drudi, the husband and wife team who wrote and directed the film. And at long last, it becomes achingly clear why the movie ended up the way it did.
Both Fragasso and Drudi speak in broken English, and according to the cast, their English has improved significantly since the movie was made. So basically, Troll 2 was the product of two middle aged Italians who didn’t speak English trying to write like American teenagers. This surely led to some of the stranger suppositions in the movie (such as: if you hit a guy in the balls hard enough, he becomes gay).
But even if you leave aside the language barrier, it’s apparent that director Fragasso is certifiably insane. If you have any doubts regarding this, they will be dispelled once you hear him mention his movies in the same breath as Casablanca. Seriously.
The film visits with other former cast members, including Margo Prey, who played the mom, who’s now a shut-in caring for her elderly mother, and Don Packard, who played the general store owner, who claims he got out of a mental hospital on a day pass to shoot the movie.
We also hear from Connie Young, neé Connie McFarland, who played the daughter. Connie grew up to be unbelievably hot, but then again, she was already pretty cute in Troll 2. She talks about losing out on acting roles because of her association with this film, and we watch her at her computer literally deleting Troll 2 from her résumé.
Interspersed with the hilarity are some sad moments, which are jarring within the generally light, whimsical context of the film. We learn in graphic detail, as if we didn’t already know, that there’s nothing sadder than an actor who toils away his entire life in the acting business and only gets noticed for one role, if that. This is particularly true in the case of Robert Ormsby, who played Grandpa Seth, who has a moment in this movie that’s one of the most depressing things I’ve seen.
But to anyone who has watched and loved Troll 2, let there be no doubt that Best Worst Movie is a must-see. In my life, I’ve seen dozens of movies in the same vein as Troll 2, made for roughly $3.98, starring no one you’ve ever heard of, which end up completely forgotten. The idea of a movie like Troll 2 getting its very own documentary is sorta mind-blowing.
However, to those who haven’t seen Troll 2 and might watch Best Worst Movie as a standalone documentary, the movie is slightly less compelling. Stephenson grasps at a few ideas, but never drives home a solid point, and never really examines the movie, its fans, or its cast and crew all that deeply.
As someone who administers a website that (for better or for worse) has become closely tied in with the whole internet-related “Bad Movie Phenomenon”, I know all too well that there’s a subtle distinction between laughing at someone and laughing with them, a distinction often lost on the overly ironic disciples of the Bad Movie Movement. At times, Best Worst Movie seems to want to have it both ways.
Some scenes appear to be saying, “See? There are real people behind this stupid little movie, with real feelings!” But then, along comes the next scene to say, “But they’re all completely nuts, so it’s okay to make fun of them!”
And it was fun to see all the devoted fans, but after moving in Bad Movie circles for years now, I have to wonder why this is the first I’ve heard of this much insane fanaticism surrounding Troll 2. I don’t doubt that all the midnight screenings were sold out, but seriously, would anyone really get a Troll 2 tattoo if not for the presence of a documentary crew, and the promise of appearing in this movie?
Also, I was slightly disappointed not to hear from Deborah Reed, who plays Creedence, the Goblin Queen, otherwise known as the MILF in the infamous corn on the cob scene. But we do catch a glimpse of her at one of the screenings, still looking pretty good after all these years.
After the movie, there was a brief Q&A with George Hardy and Michael Stephenson and others involved in the documentary. Stephenson explained that he didn’t include a lot of cast members like Reed because it would have taken away from the “story” he wanted to tell. He didn’t want to put anyone into Best Worst Movie for the sole reason that they happened to be in Troll 2.
And I get it; he intended this documentary to be self-contained, and taken on its own at face value, and not just a big cast reunion featurette for future Troll 2 DVDs. But I can’t say he was entirely successful in this regard. If I had never seen Troll 2, I’m not sure I’d have a clue as to what the point of this movie is. I guess there’s an underlying message here about following your dreams... or is it that you should be happy with what you have?
In late breaking news, Stephenson revealed during the Q&A that Claudio Fragasso has completed a script for a sequel titled Troll 2: Part 2, where he claims he’s bringing back all the characters, even the ones who died in the first movie. Given that the director of Hobgoblins made a sequel 21 years later, this news doesn’t surprise me in the least, but I’m excited nonetheless.
Hell, I even understand the title Troll 2: Part 2, given that Joe D’Amato already made Troll 3 (AKA The Crawlers), a movie that also has no connection to the other two films in the Troll saga.
For Troll 2 fans, Best Worst Movie is a once in a lifetime opportunity to immerse yourself in the joys of a film that you thought only you and your best friends had ever heard of. For everyone else, it’s a light, whimsical, slightly muddled, but ultimately enjoyable look at how a bad movie gets made, gets forgotten, and then gets resurrected decades later.
There are plenty of screenings of Best Worst Movie scheduled for this summer. Check out the official website to see if the movie is coming to a theater near you!
