Now, if you've seen this movie, I'm sure there's one thing you noticed about it. In particular, you probably noticed the outer space scenes, such as the current shot of a shuttle landing, are of very high quality. There's a good reason for this: the makers of this film had nothing to do with them.
You see, all of the space shots in this movie are stolen quite blatantly from the original Battlestar Galactica. Which means this movie literally makes that version of Galactica look like a masterpiece by comparison. Although, in fairness, this movie contains no little kids with robotic dog/bear pets, so maybe it all balances out in the end.
[Editor's note: I was one of the lucky[?] few able to get a copy of the VHS release, and let me tell you, the copy on the VHS box is far more hilarious than the DVD cover, because it's serious. There's the synopsis on the back that doesn't quite match up with the actual plot of the movie, but the real high point is the tagline: "Breathtaking Special Effects From the Team That Brought You 'STAR WARS'."
Yeah, the first time I read that was a big-time facepalm moment for me, too.
They're referring to the fact that John Dykstra's team, who did the special effects for Star Wars, later went on to do special effects for Galactica (not to mention the later TV movie Starflight One). So what the VHS box actually should have said is, "Breathtaking Special Effects Stolen From the Team That Brought You 'STAR WARS'."
I know that over the years, people have speculated on how the producers of Space Mutiny were able to get away with stealing so much footage from Battlestar Galactica. I don't have much in the way of definitive proof, but I think the answer is obvious: they paid Universal Studios for the footage.
Universal was once notorious for whoring out stock footage to whoever ponied up the cash. One of the most famous examples was when footage from Steven Spielberg's Duel was blatantly edited into an episode of The Incredible Hulk. This led to an (alleged) infamous comment from Spielberg, where he said he lived in fear of turning on Laverne & Shirley and seeing the alien ship from Close Encounters. God, I hope that story is true. —Albert]
After the shuttle containing the Bellerian refugees lands, the movie introduces us to our new narrator. I'm guessing Opening Narrator Guy read the rest of the script, hastily fled the set, and caught the next flight back to the US. He's replaced by someone I'm calling the Attention Narrator, after his tendency to prefix all his exposition with "Attention all hands". Yep, they're actually disguising his proclamations as ship-wide PA announcements, when in fact they're really just obvious exposition.
In this case, Attention Narrator identifies approaching fighter ships as a squadron of Stingray Vipers. I guess this is for the benefit of those crazy people who might have mistaken them for Colonial Vipers.
But before we get too deep into that, it's time to introduce our leading lady. She gets what passes for a big entrance in this film, by having two (count 'em, two!) Star Trek-style doors open to herald her arrival. Let's give a warm welcome to Lea Jansen, who struts around the bridge in a one-piece bathing suit augmented with a few plastic frills. Deanna Troi would look at this outfit and call it a tad unprofessional.
But what really stands out about Lea is how Cisse Cameron, the actress playing her, seems quite clearly—how shall I put this?—mature. To be honest, I can't exactly put my finger on why one looks at her and immediately pegs her age to be in the range where lying about it becomes obligatory. Maybe it's the hairstyle, or the makeup, or the jewelry. I really don't know. All I know is that the film tries to pass her off as being about 21, and there's no way anyone's buying it.
She wins the "guess your age" game at the carnival every year.
In fact, the biggest question surrounding this movie (apart from "What were they smoking?") is, "How old was Cisse Cameron when this movie was shot, anyway?" Apparently, the answer is a closely guarded secret. Just try and find her year of birth anywhere on the web, I dare you. (In fact, the lack of a birthdate has even led to amusing discussions like "Was she actually born?")
Lea greets "Dad", aka Commander Alex Jansen, who in keeping with the Galactica-robbing theme of the movie, I shall refer to as Adam-Not. She also greets "Scott", who's Captain Scott Devers, henceforth known as Captain Useless, after the fact that he doesn't do a single thing in the entire movie.
Commander Jansen is played by Cameron Mitchell, AKA The Man Who Could Never Turn Down a Role, who at long last takes his rightful place among the pantheon of Repeat Offenders for this and Easy Kill. You might also assume he's slumming it by appearing in this film, but I have my suspicions that much of this movie was his responsibility, as we'll soon see.
With the help of Lt. Lemont, they establish that Professor Spooner, a friend of Lea's, is riding with the aforementioned Viper Squadron. And incongruously spliced into this conversation is a half-second shot of a man in a spacesuit punching a button over his head, almost like he's calling for a flight attendant.
The Coloni—er, Stingray Squadron is on final approach... but wait! It's the Cylons! Wait, I mean, hold on... "pirate warships", per the flashing text on Lt. Lemont's console. This is accompanied by a wireframe graphical representation of the attack, which is what the film uses whenever they don't have footage from Galactica that works.
The pirates open fire, and one of the three Vipers quickly bites it. And then we cut back to the man in the spacesuit, who very badly attempts to express anger over this development.
Eh, copyright, shmopyright.
One of the pirates is taken out in kind, and then the pirates begin to assault Galact—I mean, the Southern Sun. This seems more than a bit ambitious on their part, given that the Southern Sun's guns are twice as big as the pirates' ships.
Cut to a shot of Kalgan, no longer in the industrial factory. He's now on what will later be described as "the Enforcers' Bridge". He scowls while reading over a computer display that very helpfully spells out all the plot points so far. The idea is that this is vital information Kalgan is transmitting to the pirates, but it seems to include the fact that the Viper Squadron is currently under attack by pirates. Full points for timeliness, but I think they kind of knew that last part already.
The display also reveals that the Viper Squadron is commanded by one David Ryder, of whom I'll drop the pretense of ignorance and identify as Spacesuit Man. He's played by Reb Brown, collegiate athlete turned actor, who among other things had a turn as Captain America in a couple of TV movies, as well as a starring role in Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf. He's our Official Hero of the Film™, complete with a badge from Jiminy Cricket to prove it.
Back to the space battle, where the Viper Squadron has been whittled down to Ryder and one other guy. Ryder's remaining wingman gets antsy and starts taking out pirate ships left and right. Very soon he himself is taken out, after which there's a shot of Ryder showing no emotion whatsoever. I guess the lesson here is that if you want David Ryder to be upset over your death, don't upstage him right before dying. At any rate, Ryder takes out the last pirate, and heads towards the Southern Sun for a landing.
Back to Kalgan, suddenly back with his bodyguard on the factory set, again on his mission of sabotage. Their objective requires stealth, so naturally they walk right past what seems to be the only other person in the whole place. Almost in direct sight of the guy, Kalgan climbs up on some pipes and plants another explosive. The crewman asks what's going on, only to be grabbed from behind by the bodyguard, and casually blasted in the abdomen by Kalgan.
As an aside, would it be rude of me to point out the bright sunlight streaming in through the many windows in the background of this shot? Didn't the filmmakers see anything wrong with this?
Man, it's a really bright day out in space today.
Back to Ryder's Viper, still landing. The important takeaway from the dialogue here is that part of the landing procedure involves the pilot releasing control of his craft to the Southern Sun. Veteran moviegoers probably already figured out how bad an idea that can be.
Back to Kalgan and his bodyguard. Kalgan activates a transmitter, and things blow up. Or rather, "blow up", because nothing caught in the blast seems to take any damage. Or maybe I wasn't supposed to notice that.
The net effect is that Ryder's landing gets all screwed up, in a way that's not at all clear from the wire graphic representation. Best I can tell, the Viper just stalls and hangs awkwardly in midair, à la Wile E. Coyote.
Inside the ship, Ryder starts yelling, "We lost power!" He wildly punches ceiling buttons. Sorry, pal, but the flight attendant won't be able to help you with this one. The ship will, though, because it activates the automatic pilot ejection system.
Suddenly, there are more explosions. I don't know why. Maybe Ryder hit the "delete" key in his panic. Lea is watching from up on a balcony in the landing bay, and she screams at the destruction. But not to worry, because the Attention Narrator is here to assure us Ryder got out safely, thanks to the ejection system.
And it seems the "ejection system" on these Vipers actually works like the transporters on Star Trek, because Ryder materializes on the factory set. Only, it's a lot lamer than Star Trek, because we can clearly see his ghost image already in place as the transporter sparklies begin.
"Please ignore me. I'm not here yet."
More explosions, and then Ryder runs through the set yelling, "Look out, it's gonna blow!" Which seems redundant, given that it's "blown" several times already, but whatever.
He runs past a flaming heap of debris that I guess is supposed to be the wreckage of his ship, then does a 180 when he spots Lea running towards the flames. One can only wonder what Lea thinks she's going to accomplish here; if her friend Professor Spooner is still on that ship, he's got to be charbroiled by now.
Ryder, instinctively realizing that Lea is going to try something stupid, and also intuitively knowing that yet another explosion is imminent, snatches Lea up and literally carries her away. And sure enough, he's proven right on both counts, and there's yet another explosion.
Cut back to Kalgan, who hands the transmitter back to his bodyguard and—for lack of a better cliché—laughs maniacally. Get used to it. He'll be doing this quite a bit throughout the proceedings.
Back on the main bridge, everyone's trying to sort out what the heck just happened. A blonde woman, whose eyes and hair indicate she's been up for two days straight, reports that the system was sabotaged. Adam-Not takes this news rather badly. Either that, or he's struggling to remember what "sabotage" means. It's kind of hard to tell.
It was tough watching Anna Nicole fall apart towards the end.
Now it's time for the first of many quick and pointless interludes in the Bellerian part of the movie. Here, an officer named Blake talks into an intercom on an otherwise empty wall. He says they know basically nothing about the Bellerian refugees, except they're "strange women". Blake looks sort of Hispanic, sort of Mediterranean, but is in fact Cameron Mitchell's son Chip (thus reinforcing my suspicions about Dad's role in this movie).
Intercut with this is a shot of Kalgan looking intense, but not acknowledging this report, because again, it's not part of his movie.
Going back to the main movie, we're on the bridge. Captain Useless theorizes in private conversation with Adam-Not that the saboteur is "someone who knows his way around spaceships". Way to eliminate almost nobody from suspicion there, Captain.
The camera then holds on Captain Useless just staring, while Adam-Not delivers an overdubbed speech to the effect of the following: Sudden crisis be damned, he's still going to take some time to personally research the newly-arrived Bellerians. Very personally, one suspects.
And back again to the Bellerian Movie, where a group of officers walk into a barren room with concrete floors. Following them in a comically tight formation are the Bellerians themselves, six fully shrouded women surrounding their veiled leader, Jennera.
"Okay, you made your point. We'll turn up the heat a little."
The commanding officer here, who will (much) later be identified as "Ranger", welcomes them to their new digs by way of apologizing for its utter emptiness. He starts promising to set them up properly, but he's cut off by Jennera. She tells him, basically, not to bother, and in conclusion, scram.
Oh, and I should probably mention she says this telepathically. But of course. Needless to say, this flusters the guy more than a little.
As the price of gasoline hit $200 a gallon, people were willing to use just about any alternative form of transportation.
It's back to the main movie again, where it's time to introduce one of the most embarrassing aspects of the entire film. Meet... the Enforcer Vehicle. Kalgan is currently driving one onto the factory set, and pulling up near a pile of random junk that I guess is the wreckage of Ryder's spacecraft.
And the Enforcer Vehicle is basically... a floor waxer. Okay, it's actually supposed to be an assault tank. And a floor waxer, one assumes. Let's just say it does nothing to make Kalgan more intimidating, and leave it at that. For now, anyway.
