“The recent flap about Kevin Smith, director of Clerks and Chasing Amy, being chased off an airplane because he is too fat is kind of hilarious. A Troma maxim of screenwriting is that fat + fart = funny, and I am certain that Kevin Smith, the fatty that he is, probably farted at the time he was the ejected = ha ha!”

“Hardly a full-tilt camp classic, but somewhat leaning in that direction thanks to the presence of Shatner and West and Cotten and Cassevetes all tramping around the desert in man-skirts and chest plates.”

“There’s definitely a killer in this movie, but it’s not from space, unless space looks a lot like a pack of Camels.”

“This week’s guests are Florence Henderson, Lorne Greene, Boomer the Dog, another music video by Blondie, and Sid Caesar! Why yes, this was the episode where they just gave up. Why do you ask?”

“Realistically though, it’s awful hard to hit a target from a distance of twenty or thirty years.”

“Even that redneck farmer guy Batman fought planned things out better than this.”

“I’m guessing the producers of Family Ties felt bad for Tina, seeing as how they made her go on TV during the most awkward years of her adolescence, and dressed her like a linebacker, and added a younger kid to the cast when she stopped being cute, so they figured they might as well throw her a bone and let her do one of her terrible songs on the show.”

“There are two ways to include a stunt-filled car chase in a TV show. One way is to spend a lot of money hiring stunt drivers, getting cars, and renting appropriate locations, and then spend lots of time and effort shooting difficult and demanding scenes. The other way is to put your characters in three appropriately colored Minis and steal a lot of footage from The Italian Job.

Guys, I wish I was making this up.”

“Jeff compliments them on being so talented, which leads to, you guessed it, Mie sucking up and Kei being a bitch. Still, her English has improved tremendously since last week. She may actually know what she’s saying now. Jury’s still out on the other one, though.”

“So I’m sure you’ve heard FOX’s new show isn’t the first attempt to adapt the Human Target into a weekly primetime series. And if you haven’t, well, now you have. And who says this site is useless?”

“So join me once again as I devote more thought to this show than anyone in history.”

“Not so long ago, it seemed that to make a well-regarded, critically acclaimed movie, you needed to have something remarkable to say, or at least a unique perspective on life. But as the makers of last year’s indie sensation (500) Days of Summer have shown, all you really need to do is watch a lot of movies, and have one mildly crappy relationship, and you’ve earned the right to make your mundane life experiences into a film, and subsequently be hailed as a genius for it.”

“Don’t ask me why it was thought that adults wouldn’t be able to figure this shit out for themselves, but then we are talking a generation that listened to Pat Boone willingly.”

NBC takes time out from comedy to make a training film for academic administrators. Read the recap and then break into discussion groups.

“Fantastic actress, and star of some of my favorite movies, including Bikini a-Go-Go (now called Curse of the Erotic Tiki), Miss Lynne has more to offer the world than a willingness to star in nudity-oriented film spoofs, though those are worth checking out. She’s also a good cook, and advocates good hygiene!”

“Rambo kills three guys with one arrow. Good thing the arrows blow up, otherwise this would just be silly.”

“Yep, that’s pretty much all there is to it: every week, MacGyver finds himself in some kind of crisis situation and has to save himself (and generally a plucky kid or an attractive woman or a villageful of ethnic peasants) with nothing but his Swiss Army Knife and various convenient bits and bobs he finds along the way. I warn you now: the word ‘convenient’ will crop up a lot in these recaps.”

“Most of you have never heard of this show, and with good reason. They only made six episodes, of which only five ever aired, and despite the involvement of the legendary Sid and Marty Krofft, and the fact that it gave ensemble member Jim Varney his big break, there is not one human being in existence who puts this show on their résumé.”